Hey guys!!! I need your opinions!!!

So I’ve been talking to this guy for 8 months now. He is in a relationship, so he is cheating on her. He has been engaged to this women for 2 years but had been in the relationship for 4 years. She has a son from a previous relationship whom is just like a son to him. When things were going good with him and I, I thought he was leaving her. He always seem sad/depressed. He was always telling me how it’s terrible to be in a relationship with the wrong person at a young age but I can’t walk away from my little man (their child). He never and still doesn’t talk about her to anyone. He wouldn’t say nice things about her when I tried to pry it out of him in the beginning. We were so positive that she knew he was cheating. She would do stuff on purpose that would make him stay home. She’d get up and leave her son or she’d make him go get her something, etc. 

The problem is she asked to have a baby about 3 months ago. She became pregnant then too. He jumped on it. The one thing he’s been wanting most of his life was a child. He’d always ask me if we could have one. So I knew as soon as she asked he would. Believe me I even thought about doing that. I’m positive that is what she did! 

So Thursday at work, he stares at me and says, “I really do love you, you have no idea. You’d be a great wife. I wish things went differently. We could have like 3 or 4 kids together. He said who knows in a year or two it might be the same as before. Do not EVER loose contact with me. The future is not set in stone. I don’t wanna loose you.” 

Funny thing, he hasn’t married her yet and he has a strong belief about marriage. He won’t marry someone he doesn’t fully love. He’s told a few co-workers that he doesn’t seem himself marrying his fiancé.

We were at my work talking with some friends and he made a comment about, “I don’t care if I die”. He always makes comments like that, almost like he has nothing to live for. 

Yesterday, he came over for a few hours before I had to go to work. Last night, he told me he’d be here at 8 am. At 7 however he texted me saying, “they’re still here for some fucking reason. I’ll bet there at 9”. I was upset yes, but I still get to see him. Nine came and he sent a pic of his son sitting on the couch and said they still here. After that I stopped responding. He texted 15mins later and said, “I will still be there.” He then texted saying, ” I know you’re mad my love and I’m sorry but I’ll be there soon”. “Leave the front unlocked for me to”. He ended up coming over around 10am. He said he rushed into the shower once they left, and sped here. He walked right through the front door and into my arms. He gave me a huge hug and we just stood there for a while.

He was really into getting deep into conversations about the future. About my beliefs of what a man and women should do in a marriage, etc. 

When he came over, he mentioned his hand a few times. It was obvious he broke his pinkie and pointer finger. Apparently, his fiancé and him got into another fight and he punched a wall. He said it took him so much to not punch her. They literally just woke up and she started arguing with him.

He’s changing a little each day now. He has to work two jobs now to afford the baby. He has been smoking weed more than ever. He never talks about her to anyone still but he will become all excited to talk about the baby. He wants to get home super early now when he use to just wait around work or anywhere. 

When it was time for him to leave, I kept saying I don’t want to go to work and he said I don’t want to go back home.

She’s pretty far along in her pregnancy now but I have questions for you guys.

Do you think the pregnancy/baby will bring them back together?

Am I absolutely stupid for sticking around because I believe they won’t last?

Should I no longer stay?

Will they ever break up?

How do you think this will turn out?

I’m tired of only having my own opinion so help me out guys 🙂

The hospital

   

I was working on a Sunday night and my mom pulls up to the side of the building. I was outside with my co workers, bringing in donations, I really wanted pizza so I asked if she would get me some. At that time, I didn’t know she found a “suicide” note of mine that I wrote. I didn’t know my father was sitting in his car on the other side of the parking lot and that my mother was driving by to make sure I wasn’t going to run away. 

I get close to being done with work and my mother keeps texting me asking how much longer will it be till I get home and everything else. She normally never cares where I am or anything about me. I knew something was up and I knew she had to be sitting outside in her car still so I told her to go home. She stayed however. I followed her home and I parked my car right infront of the house. I didn’t know my father was following behind me too. I was already tired for the day from working all day, waking up early and my feet were killing me. She stops her car right in front of mine but doesn’t turn it off. She tells me my pizza is in the car and to hop in to go get slushies. I told her I didn’t want any but I’ll go anyways. I’m texting my best friend Nicole the whole ride there because I realized something was wrong. My mom was being too nice to me and she was actually wanting to talk. I noticed she was going the wrong way so she tells me we’re going to run by my aunts house to get coupons first. All of a sudden, we’re on a highway and we exit off at a hospital. She tells me we’re meeting her at her work, but I knew this wasn’t where she worked. I got out of the car anyways, still wearing my work uniform. My dad just starts to walk up on me and places his hand on my shoulder, that’s when I flipped. I knew they were going to check me in. Suddenly, my relatives start coming out from behind cars. My mother and father pretty much fight me to the ground and pull me and everything. They start yelling for security. They push me to the ground a few times after I try to release from their grips. I call nicole on the phone and she hears me yelling for help and everything else. 

I realize there was no point in struggling anymore, that I was out numbered. I walked inside the building with a parent on each arm. A whole bunch of security men and police officers started walking around me, they start to guard the door as my mother checks my name in. I’m forced to walk to a room in the far back of the hospital. Two nurses tell me I need to put this stupid gown on so my parents exit the room. I had to take everything off that belonged to me and I had to fight them to let me leave my third ear piercing in because I just got it. They told me I might try to kill myself with it so they cannot but I refused. They took my cellphone and clothes, bagged it up and put it in my locker outside the room. Both doors were locked at all times. Doctors came in and out to ask me questions and run tests. I had to do 3 blood tests, a urine sample, a hair sample and they wanted to do a lie detector test on me. That’s when my parents found out that I’ve been involved with my manager. It was written in my “suicide” note and all my journals. I wrote about every little detail about my life in those journals and my mother just stole them. I know she has probably read them too, especially by now. 

They declared I was suicidal and that I needed to spend time there. It was already 2 in the morning at that time. The declaration was made by the first doctor who saw me because everyone else got to go home for the night. Of course, that was the doctor who just saw me kicking and screaming because I didn’t want to go in. She didn’t even ask me one question. I told them I wouldn’t voluntarily go in so my mother was going to have to sign over my rights. I made her soo mad by telling her I never liked her (which is the truth since all the things she has done to me since I was little) and she walked out the building. I called my dad right before that though telling him I didn’t want to go home with mother and I asked if he could please pick me up. Since she left the building, I obtained rights for myself again. My father didn’t think I was suicidal (which I’m not) so he said there was no point to keep me here. I was there for about 8 hours hating my life, watching tv and wanting to never talk to my mother again. That night was worse than probably how I described it here, but you still get what went on. 
Since the incident, my mother has told all my family members on her side. My cousin even made up a story saying I posted something on Facebook about running away with my manager. They all just wanted to start more shit. My mother told everyone that I have been seeing my manager, which was so embarrassing. My mother came into my work and made a big scene looking for my manager (Daniel). She told my other manager that I was having sex with Daniel. She told some of my co workers everything about my life. Recently, she called HR about the topic and supposedly sent them my journals which document every little detail about my relationship with Daniel. 

I lied to HR and I told them I didn’t have any kind of a relationship with him. I later called my mother up to bitch her out. She laughed in my face and told me good job for lying to HR and that they knew I was. 

My sister since then has told me I deserve whatever punishment I will receive and that she no longer looks up to me. My brother seems to not know what to think about this topic. I no longer speak to my mother. She says she kicked me out of the house but I say I was going to stay with my father anyways (which I hate). I pretty much am unhappy with either of the places I live at. My grandma likes to call me all the time now and just start crying on the phone. I haven’t talked to anyone else on my moms side since then. I cancelled my graduation party last weekend because I no longer want to see any of them. My co workers like to call me the side hoe now. It’s a nickname of mine that has seem to become very popular. So I told my sister she can join the line of people who are diassppointed in me with the choices I made, the people who call me a side hoe now or the people I no longer can and want to associate myself with. 

I lost everything since I started to talk to my manager. I even lost him recently. He has rekindled his relationship with his fiancé and they have a fucking baby on the way now.

When did everything go to shit!
Wednesday 23, 2017 🌺

Engaged, 27 year old, manager cheating…

Ok I’m just going to come out and say it.

I slept with my 27 year old, engaged, manager. I didn’t sleep with him just once tho, I slept with him/had a sexual relationship with him for the past 7 months!

I’m sorry I haven’t posted on here but it’s been insane. I went on vacation shortly after I posted my first post, then my mother checked me into a hospital and now we’re here.
How it all started: 
One night, he was drunk and sent me a text message asking me if “I played games?”. I made a joke about it for that following week at work. Next thing I know, he’s texting me every night. Finally, as a high schooler still, spring break arrived and I’d be able to see him. I drove to his house which was about a 30 min drive. When I got there we decide to watch a horror movie (my favorite). During the second movie he gets a little handsy, which I was ok with. Things lead to another and we start to head for his bed (the one he shares with his fiancé!). I started to panic, pretty much. I look all around his house and see pictures of his son (not biologically his). No family portraits or pictures of his fiancé. I tell him I can’t do this and he becomes very sweet. In the end, I ended up sitting on top of him talking about our lives for another 4 hours. All of a sudden he starts to panic (kinda like me) and I get the hint that I should leave. I assumed his fiancé was going to be home soon. This was back in march. He started to text me “good morning beautiful texts” every morning. Then we would text through the whole day while I was in school. He started coming over to my house weekly. He would text me for a few hours before bed too. I’ll be honest, it sucked going to bed at like 3 in the morning when you had to wake up at 7 for high school. 

I fell in love with him. I don’t know if it is actual love or not but I want everything for him. I don’t do a good job opening up to people. I don’t trust people ever since what happened between my parents divorce. I don’t do relationships because I know I’ll just get hurt in the long run. For some stupid reason tho, I had to have him. I loved everything about him. I loved the little dimples that formed in his cheeks when he smiled. He smelled amazing. He would always find a way to make me laugh. You would always see him smiling whenever you looked at him. His laugh was contagious, you could literally hear him from a mile away. As soon as I hear his laugh, I would smile. I got so happy knowing I was going to see him at work or whenever he came over. When he would hug me from the behind, I’d get little chills/a warm feeling. The most amazing feeling when it comes to getting to know someone. I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to hold me forever. I loved the way he made me feel about myself and the comfort I had around him. I knew he was always going to be there to protect me.

He would text me about how much he was unhappy in his life. He would say he wished he could be with me or he wished he could sneak out and come over. He told me it sucks being in an unhappy relationship and that he is too young to feel this way. He told me I was beautiful daily. He said that I had a big heart for everything. He loved that I was in his terms super smart. He told me he loved me more than his fiancé sometimes. He told me he wanted to have kids with me and how beautiful they would be. He would ask daily if we could have one. He asked what I thought about marriage at such a young age. He was asking so many questions about the future and he was telling me things I wanted to hear about myself. I do really wanna believe he meant these things but I don’t really know. 

There were many instances where I thought he was going to end it with her. There were many times he told me soemthing I didn’t want to here about his relationship with his fiancé. I had to deal with the pain daily. There was always something there that made it seem like she was going to fight. 

Now, everything is different. He has completely changed. I feel like this is just because of sex now and nothing else. I told myself for the longest time I was just a side hoe, but when we hung out the thought went away. He would treat me well and everything. Then at work he would flirt with me the whole time or make fun of me in front of my peers. Everyone knew we had a thing for eachother but everyone also knew he was taken. He would stand right in front of me in front of the registers and ask me what would I do if he grabbed my head and kisses me in front of everyone. I really really did want him to but it’d look absolutely terrible. 

So that’s pretty much a summary of the good times before everything went bad. I hope some of you don’t look down on me like I do on myself. No, I haven’t ended the “thing” between us yet and neither has he. Wait until you hear about how things are now! Sounds like a great guy now I bet, but wait. 

Please guys, feel free to comment any feelings or comments you my have for me. It’d be greatly appreciated. Stay tuned for more about him and my crazy life that has trumped intro ruins!

Wednesday 23, 2017 🌺

May 4, 2017

This past week I haven’t been to school for one day. Monday was the only day it was actually open, but I didn’t go. It was high school senior skip day and the guy I was starting to like came over. (His name is Daniel. Daniel is sadly my 27 year old engaged, manager. This might look bad but it didn’t start off this way.) 

I think he was half an hour late, but I think I snuck him in my moms house at 9:30-10am. We had sex, again. First we watched an episode of Forensic Files. I kinda figured sex would follow. Today, Thursday, I didn’t have school again because of the flooding in Missouri. Daniel came over again. He came through the front door, and I had to sneak him past my sister, Sara. I honestly felt bad. We talked for hours before we had sex again. Twice this week now. He came at 9:45 instead of 9, but I guess it was okay since I got time to eat breakfast.

This time he put …protection on. He deliberately brought a condom with him because he knew we were gonna do it! 

It’s been a little over 2 months since we started talking, and I kinda love him. I know when he says I Love You, I don’t think he means it. I think he’s just saying it to get into my pants. I mean first off, we don’t do any “couple” stuff. I know, I know it’d be hard and we simply cannnot. He already has a life and a kid (not biologically his of course tho). I just wish I stopped him from the very beginning. I was, but I just came back. This was before anything even happened. I always put a walk up to protect myself, and I want the wall to be rebuilt. It’s killing me inside. I’m constantly waiting for him to text. I always want to see him. 

I’m in love with the way he smells. I’m in love with the way he makes me feel. I’m always in a great mood around him. I know it’s probably because he took my virginity and he’s the only guy that I have started to open up to. Maybe, I just want him because I know he had a family and a fiancé. Maybe I just like wrecking people’s relationships, and then leaving them soon after. I’ve never really been in this situation so. I pretty much spent all day with him since I saw him at work afterwards. He is a sex addict, and that is the only reason he even layed eyes on me. I guess he assumed it would be fun getting me to fall in love with him. 

One night, hella early on in our “relationship” he texted me that him and Hannah (his fiancé) broke up. I found it hilarious because even then I knew he would never ever leave her and Dylan (son). He values family at the top of his priorities. I know he will even stay with her if he is truly unhappy. Their relationship is probably pretty strong, the only buffer seems to be sex. He likes to tell me otherwise though and his actions show he isn’t happy with her.

I wish he would talk to Nicole (our co-worker) about all his feelings, so I would know something. I already know how it is, but I don’t want to believe it. I know if I stop or continue, I am still eventually going to get hurt. He seems to keep giving me the option of leaving. I don’t know if he is going to feel guilty after all of this or not. I feel bad that he’s even in this situation, but he did start it all. He did the continuous flirting, and he kept bringing me back after I said we shouldn’t do anything. I think everyone at work people are starting to notice. I wonder what they think of me. Flirting with a taken man really? If only they knew the whole extent of it.  I know because of the Michael thing, they already look at me different. I feel like if this completely gets out, people are only going to blame me. Like I was the only one who did something wrong. Ugh, I love the way he smiles. I love the way everything smells when I’m with him. He accidentally left his tank here Monday, and Wednesday night, I put it into the washing machine. He kinda looked pissed when I told him, then later at work he asked if I was using Downy. I thought of allergies with certain detergents, but I assumed he’d be fine. I’m allergic to most detergents anyways. I probably have more sensitive skin and him. I don’t know though, he does have these weird dots on his body. I really want to write some more but I know I should go to bed. He’s not even responding to me so. 

Yippee, I’m going to Nicole’s house tomorrow, horror movies!! I kinda hope she asks about Daniel. My life really sucks at the moment. I know I’m just gonna die inside, and be the side sex chick.  It’s better than nothing I guess. I know at this time I can’t just leave. That’s probably what he says when he looks at his family. I don’t want to hang out with him every time in my room in the basement too. So far one day, one day only, we have hung out and didn’t do anything. He says it’s different, but actions show otherwise. I’m going to bed now. Ugh, Daniel Lee Valez why do you have to do this to me??!!

The beginning

July 24, 2017

As of today, this will be a blog about what pertains to me and my life. It will be an annonymous blog. It will be about all the drama I am put through and bring to myself. For those of you who might not like to hear some of what I may write, please just simply unfollow. For those of you who might like drama, I hope my blog will quickly gain your interest. Most of the time each entry will be about a certain day in my life or an event that I feel would be better for me to write out than keep it inside. I’ll have questions too as a blog post. I will simply answer them from my view point, but they are simply here so everyone gets to answer.

Enjoy my blog. 🙂